I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
