I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So squirting runs in the family.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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