Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
