also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
