they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
