In the future we'll all be gay
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
