If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
