It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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