i think my tv is drunk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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