In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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