"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
