You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
