Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
