Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
