sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Couch. On fire.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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