stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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