FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
