Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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