if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
