I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
