got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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