The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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