...so i touched it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
