I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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