OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
