Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
