guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
