What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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