I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
