Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
