she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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