Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
