i just wanna soil my oats bro
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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