i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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