the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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