Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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