at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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