the condom got lost in my hair
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone signed my nipple.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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