Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
