If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
