Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
