wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
