I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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