we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
