I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so let's talk penis.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
