im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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