wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
