Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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