He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
