If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
