oh god the rape fog is back!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
