...so i touched it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
