I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize